I've never really liked having a set schedule or making plans and keeping them or the whole idea of organization really, which is probably the main reason behind all the trouble i've ever gotten in, every stupid decision i've ever made and all the friendships i've lost/relationships i've fucked up. But i've never liked having someone telling me what to do and when to do it, or having scheduled plans without flexibility and i guess you could say im scared of commitment.
So the whole plan of breaking off a semi-healthy relationship and moving out without really needing to seemed like a good way to "start over." Although ending the relationship just left me rushing into another one and moving out just made my life more stressful with ceilings leaking and electric bills. I'm not saying that i regret my decisions because both gave me a change of environment but it just wasn't as refreshing as i had hoped for.
Anyways i've become suffocated by my school/work schedule which can explain my many absences...which i am now trying to avoid so i am not dropped from my classes before the end of the first semester and/or lose my job. This seems like a simple task seeing as i only take two classes and only work three times a week but some how i cant get myself together.
I've also caused problems with my friends because i often get bored with one group of friends (especially recently) and i tend to move onto another group to hang out with for a while. it usually has nothing to do with the group of people and everything to with me being extremely weird. It almost always results in people feeling ditched and me coming off as being shady which is not the case, i'm just bad at communication and making/keeping plans etc...
...in conclusion i really wish i had tried harder in highschool right about now so i could have gone away for college. i feel like that would be more fun than what im doing right now.
